Commonly, “self-care” gives the vibe of a luxury spa where one is spoiled and pampered. This sounds great, but it is not what I propose we consider here.
Those of us of a certain age remember phrases like "on the fritz," "hold your horses," and "come hell or high water.”
Popular language, or the “vernacular” of the day, changes over time. Even though these are old terms, we know precisely how and why they are used. We “get” them. However, because the term self-care conjurers up the self-absorbed, it becomes satirical and unappealing. We “don’t get it.”
One could argue that most of our energy goes to meeting personal needs. We need housing to escape the elements, money to pay for our needs and wants, sleep when we are tired, food when we are hungry, and to grab an umbrella in the pouring rain. However, the demand for our attention is at an all-time high, and meeting our many physical needs is a major challenge.
The use of anti-anxiety and anti-depressant medication is at a record high, and the availability of these medical tools is life-saving and essential. Since the onset of the pandemic in 2020, the age group 14-30 has seen a 64% increase in prescribed antidepressants alone. The data is concerning and begs the question… Why?
As the world ratchets up the sophistication of every detail of life as we embrace the new world of AI, computer automation, cars that drive themselves, and Hal, who won’t open the “pod bay door,” a crucial part of ourselves is routinely ignored. We are suffering because of it. Aware of it or not, we are a suffering people.
How often in 24 hours are we breathless in gratitude for the plethora of incredible creature comforts we enjoy?
Are we running so fast that we don’t taste our food beyond that first sip of morning coffee? Are we spinning, driving, thinking, and feeling so fast that we aren’t even aware of where we are? Most of us are moving as fast as possible, managing more complex lives than our parents thought possible. Many colleagues and friends lament their fatigue in body, mind, and spirit, citing that they are personally “last on the list” and exhausted. Sadly, fatigue and exhaustion have become linked to upward mobility. The price you pay…
Before we can consider self-care, what do we do? Sometimes, we stretch and say yes to something hard that is asked of us. Sometimes, it’s saying a hard “no” and dealing with the guilt you feel and the disappointment you may be causing someone else. Sometimes, it’s going to bed when you are tired, even if it’s 7:30 p.m. and you might miss Jeopardy.
We are the captains of our own destiny.
Everyone’s chasing “quality of life” – with Botox and better cosmetics, the hottest car we can afford, and joy rides to outer space on privately owned rocket ships. However, we can also seek peace, health, and harmony. Getting back on your own radar, you give permission to those around you to do the same.
Consider starting each day with a daily “inventory” or check-in. How am I feeling today? How is my body? Am I worried, anxious, or distracted? In the self-care world, this scan is often called a Four Line:
Answering the Four Line honestly might give you valuable information you may be choosing to ignore. We are more than bricks and mortar. We are more than bodies needing fuel and more than beings needing shelter. In pursuit of a better self, we can achieve a more peaceful, healthier, and harmonious life.
We can do more self-care—way more. It starts with being honest and peeling back the onion a little on our journey of self-discovery. Promote yourself instead of being at the bottom of the list and stay there by paying close attention. If we aren’t prioritizing ourselves…something else is in the way.
In the little everydayness of life, try to relish the first sip of coffee and the cool softness of your pillow as your head hits it. Like anything, making an “inner change” takes time. Your commitment to being more aware of yourself will elicit numerous opportunities to show that you care.
If we are immersed in struggle, angst, and racing through the day to get to the next thing…we have a choice. What do I need? What’s best for me right now? How would my best friend advise me?
Be your own best friend. Listen to yourself. Pay attention. Your choice either ads or detracts. You either make a deposit or a withdrawal in your self-care account. Most of us are overdrawn. Keep an eye on your account balance. Habits take an average of 66 days to create. Imagine where you could be by Thanksgiving.
Start slowly if you must. Have your seltzer over ice with lemon. Take a longer shower than usual. Go to bed early. Hydrate. See your friends. Call your mother. Open the early fall window at night. Listen to the quiet. Be aware. Feel the love. It’s not a dress rehearsal.
Remember that Self-Care is not Selfish. If you drink from a full cup, you have some to share. If you are full, you are more. Emptiness has only itself to share. In our pursuit of quality of life, you can start today. Let’s open the window, have our iced lemony seltzer, and go from there.
